


Smash Horizons: “Chapter 3”

by UmbraHog



Category: Bayonetta (Video Games), Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates, Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types, Star Fox Series, Super Smash Brothers
Genre: April Fool’s Joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 15:22:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18317984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbraHog/pseuds/UmbraHog
Summary: The reasoning behind this is explained in the note, so please make sure to read it to better understand the situation.





	Smash Horizons: “Chapter 3”

Up in the air, Sonic was explaining to Tails who X was and what his plan may be, while Wolf was trying to sleep away, wanting no involvement in the conversation, but he was continually being woken up by Bayonetta, who nearly kicked Wolf off the Tornado, but it took some intervention from Corrin to prevent any crises. “That’s strange… If X said that he was the one responsible for all this, then where did he come from?” Tails said, trying to wrap his head around what he had learned. “I wanted to ask him, but he acted like it was some sort of forbidden secret that only he must know.” Sonic said, just as confused.

 

“I don’t want to interrupt whatever you’re talking about, but what is THAT?” Corrin said, catching Sonic and Tails’ attention. Everyone looked behind, and they saw what appeared to be a vortex in the sky, which seemed to be transmitting an image that said “PLEASE STAND BY…” for a moment before it revealed X, who looked rather furious and cleared his voice before he said: “I’ve come to make an Omni-verse-wide Announcement: JC-The-Hyena’s a BITCH-ASS MOTHERFUCKER!!”

 

“Um… Who’s X talking about?” Tails said, confused. “Beats me…” Sonic replied before X continued, pointing to a picture of a Hyena with one of his eyes covered by his hairdo, wearing a black suit with gold checkerboard trimmings around the collar portion of the suit and an ominous purple cape that extended above the collar; “THIS FLEA-BITTEN, FUR-COVERED FUCK, THE GUY WHO CREATED ME, PISSED ON MY FUCKING REPUTATION!! HE TOOK HIS FUCKING FURRY DICK OUT, AND PISSED ON MY FUCKING REPUTATION BY UNNECESSARILY REDESIGNING ME MULTIPLE TIMES UNTIL I BARELY RESEMBLED A SONIC CHARACTER, AND HE SAID HE WAS ‘IMPROVING ME’, AND I SAID; THIS IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING POINTLESS!!”

 

“Did he have too much to drink? He’s rambling about redesigns for some baffling reason…” Bayonetta said, weirded out and slightly annoyed before X replied; “I HEARD THAT, YOU RAVEN-HAIRED WHORE!!” “Well, I never!” Bayonetta said, feeling outright flustered.

 

“Back to what I was saying; IN RESPONSE TO ALL THIS BULLSHIT, I’M MAKING A CALLOUT POST ON MY TWITTER DOT COM: JC THE HYENA, YOU’VE GOT A SMALL DICK! IT’S THE SIZE OF THIS DIME, EXCEPT WAY SMALLER!!” X said, lifting up a dime in his hand and pointing to it. “He’s gone mad…” Wolf said, unable to comprehend what he was seeing before his eyes.

 

“AND GUESS WHAT, ‘DAD!’ HERE’S WHAT MY DONG LOOKS LIKE!” X shouted before he snapped his fingers, causing a cracking sound to be heard in the sky, catching the attention of everyone watching X’s announcement. The cracks soon revealed what appeared to be a planet-sized stone replica of X’s head, with the nose opening up to reveal a completely black dildo-shaped laser cannon [Pardon my french for this, but HOW IN THE ACTUAL FUCK DID THIS MAKE IT PAST A T RATING!? -UmbraHog] charging a red laser which smelled of fresh urine, much to the dismay of everyone, which nearly caused Bayonetta and Corrin to throw up.

 

“THAT’S RIGHT, BABY- TALL POINTS, NO FUR, PERFECTLY CLEAN- LOOK AT THIS, IT LOOKS LIKE TWO BALLS AND A BONG!!” X said, clearly starting to go off the mental deep end. “JC, YOU FUCKED MY REPUTATION, SO GUESS WHAT: I’M GONNA FUCK THIS FAN FICTION’S WORLD! THAT’S RIGHT, THIS IS WHAT YOU ALL GET: MY ULTRA LASER PISS!!” X said before he slammed what appeared to be a button, hidden from everyone else’s view, causing the dildo cannon to fire off a giant red laser.

 

The laser rocketed past the heroes, which threw them off-guard before they saw it going further beyond where X said it would be fired at. “EXCEPT, I’M NOT GONNA PISS ON THIS WORLD, I’M GONNA GO ABOVE AND BEYOND: I’M PISSING ON THE SUPER SMASH BROS. ULTIMATE FIGHTER’S PASS!!” Suddenly, X’s laser hit the satellites at the headquarters of Sora Ltd, Namco Bandai, and all of Nintendo’s locations respectively before another screen appeared with all the data for the Fighter’s Pass of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.

 

“HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, MASAHIRO SAKURAI!? I’M PISSING ON YOUR DLC, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!” X said maniacally before he added; “THE CHARACTERS APPEARING AFTER JOKER ARE THE FOLLOWING: STEVE FROM MINECRAFT, ERDRICK FROM DRAGON QUEST, SANS FROM UNDERTALE, AND GOKU FROM THE DRAGON BALL SERIES!! AND GUESS WHAT, SMASH COMMUNITY!? ALL THE CHARACTERS YOU’VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT ARE BOTH MII COSTUMES AND SPIRITS, MEANING YOU’RE ALL GETTING FUCKED ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!!” Suddenly, the air smelled of urine, electricity and blood as the skies turned red, before X said: “YOU HAVE 23 HOURS BEFORE THE PISS DROPLETS HIT THE FUCKING WORLD! NOW GET OUT OF MY FUCKING SITE, BEFORE I PISS ON YOU TOO!!”

 

It was at that moment that the heroes knew that things had taken an unexpected turn for the worse, and they had to get to Angel Island as soon as possible…

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here it is... Chapter 3! I'm sure that you've all been waiting for it, and i hope it doesn't disappoint! The reason why i uploaded this chapter in a new work instead of continuing the previous work is because of a glitch in the website that only affects me for some reason. Stay tuned for Chapter 4, coming soon!
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> APRIL FOOLS, YA WEENUS!
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> The REAL Chapter 3 is still happening, folks, just wait a little bit longer.


End file.
